My heart shattered into a million pieces this morning. It was BamBam’s first day of “school”. We enrolled him in a local day care because I’m trying to work more hours and it’s getting impossible to do so with a 2 year old in the house. Princess starts full-day kindergarten next week, so I thought it would be nice to start BamBam a week earlier and spend some quality girl time together before her big 1^st day. Great theory.

Drop off went well. The school had everything ready for him. His name was on his cubby and lunch seat. The teachers were very friendly and kept saying how it was the best drop off ever b/c he just ran off to play. He is used to babysitters at the house when I coach softball in the spring, so I wasn’t worried about drop off. I’m worried about the “oh, crap!” moment when he realizes that I’m not there. Unfortunately, I caught a glimpse of it as I was leaving. I have really hyped the whole “school” thing. He’s always been with me when dropping off Princess at pre-school and summer camp, so he understands the concept. I said goodbye and left him playing with his class on the playground. I felt a twinge of guilt as I was walking away. The clincher happened as I was pulling out of the parking lot…I saw him looking frantically for me. He looked under the slide and through the gate.  I cried the whole way home. Princess even noticed b/c she said “OH, BamBam is looking for us, mommy. He must be so sad.”

I have friends who have always sent their kids to day care…they told me that I probably will have a harder time than him. God, I hope so because I’ve been spending the last hour wondering if I’m doing the right thing. Am I being selfish wanting to work? On one hand, I’ve been “at home” with Princess for 5 years and BamBam for all of his 2 years.  THE Daddy thinks I’ve done my time and I shouldn’t feel guilty. On the other hand, how much time is enough time?!?!

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