So, do you know what to do when your fire alarm goes off? I know, you're thinking DUH.

No, this isn’t another post about creating a fire practice plan. Been there, done THAT already.

We know our escape routes and where to meet in case we are separated.

Yeah…I’m talking about this scenario:

You’re home alone. No husband or kids. Just you and the dogs. Working on the computer in quiet bliss.

When…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

WTF?!

I do a quick sweep of the house and don’t see smoke.

Husband is not home, so his cooking isn’t the culprit. *

Still…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I try to hit the button on the main fire alarm, doesn’t stop it.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I open up the doors and some windows hoping the fresh air will make it STOP.

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I let the dogs out, grab our cash stash, my laptop, cell and house phones and hit the front yard. It doesn’t feel right to stay in the house.

I look back at the house. No visible smoke or flames.

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

A little less loud, so I try to think, think, think…what should I do now?

I call my husband on his cell to ask for advice. I don’t want to call 9-1-1 if not necessary.

He answers…I CAN’T TALK, NEED TO CALL YOU RIGHT BACK…and HANGS UP ON ME!!!

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

Oh, no, he did not just hang up on me!! I call back immediately and start yelling at him…

The effing fire alarm is going off, DO NOT HANG UP ON ME!!!!

He apologizes, talks me down a bit and instructs me to go to each and every room to double check for smoke.

OK, I’m not the type of person to walk into danger. I hate those people in horror movies who go towards the mysterious noise just to get killed by the monster making said noise. Idiots.

I’m not real comfortable doing this, but my kids are due home soon and I need to make sure the house is safe and MUST STOP THE…

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I double check the 8 smoke detectors in our house and see NOTHING suspicious.

I try to push the button thingy on the smoke detector (again) since he didn’t believe that I already tried that.

He says to call 9-1-1.

So, I call. Outside where the

Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

Isn’t as bad as inside with the

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

I wait for my head to explode…and call my grandparents because they are scanner surfers. I figured that they would hear my address and think the worst. They giggle because they did already hear about the call to my house.

I hear the sirens of the fire engines. Yeah, that’s plural. They sent out THREE friggin fire engines. Must have been quiet down there today.

Suddenly.

Silence.

No BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP

Not even a Beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep beep

Not sure why the alarm ceased as mysteriously as it started.

The firemen came and checked out the whole house while I felt like THE.BIGGEST.GOON.EVER.

No fire anywhere.

They found that my husband had enclosed the smoke detector in our basement into the drop ceiling that he installed. They think that maybe dust had set it off.

Yep, dust. Because my husband took a shortcut and didn’t drop the smoke detector below the drop ceiling.

They stamp LOSER on my forehead and I send the nice firemen on their merry way. They gave each other a knowing look…like they know that my husband is about to be torn a new asshole and they somewhat feel for him.

I call my husband to tell them.

He obviously apologized profusely…and promised to take care of it as soon as possible.

Oh, and explained that the reason he had hung up on me before. Apparently he hung up because he was on the phone with the police. He had just witnessed a 17 year old getting in an accident outside of his parent’s house and was helping her.

Is there something in the air today, or what?! Other than dust, that is.

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*For the record, my husband is actually a very, very good cook. At times, he is a better cook than me. He set the alarm off over the weekend and I joked that it was his cooking. (mwah, sweetie, love you!)