On waiting

I'm not a fan of waiting. 

Yeah, I know life isn't always about reaching your destination, but more about the journey.  I have my zen moments when I am able to allow myself to go where life takes me.  I do.

Right now?  Not one of those moments.

I put myself out there.  I followed the signs.  I ignored my self-doubt and fear and went for it.  I totally did.  And it felt good and right.  And now something that never even occurred to me is the very thing I want so, so badly.

Now a decision is being made.  A decision between me and one other person.  (No, I don't know who this person is.)  I'm honored to be one of the two...but...

I feel like Donkey in the beginning of Shrek.  I want to jump up and down while yelling "Ooo, ooo, pick me!  PICK ME!"

I really, really hope they do pick me.  I am so excited by the possibility.  It would definitely be an adventure.

I keep telling myself that it's OK if they don't pick me.  That would simply mean that it wasn't meant to be and there's something else out there I should be focusing on.  Not gonna lie, I'll be disappointed.  This just feels right.

So right now, I'm waiting.

And waiting really sucks.

Update on Tuesday, October 13, 2009 at 12:41PM by Mommycosm

Ugh.  Didn't get it.

So I guess now I can explain myself.

I was interviewing for a position as varsity head softball coach at the number one rival to my old team.  The team I quit after 7 years and helping win the school's first softball State Championship.  I talked about it more here and here. 

I was OK with it.  Really.  Well, mostly.  Until I saw an article in the paper about the coach stepping down from our rival team.  I literally had butterflies.  I sent my resume and heard back about an hour later.  In the week between scheduling my interview and it actually taking place, I started to get really excited about the possibility.  After meeting with the AD and Assistant AD, I wanted it.  Bad.

As far as rejections go, I guess it wasn't the worst in the history of rejections:

...you have all the credentials, enthusiasm and coaching ability we are looking for, we were just very fortunate to have two very good candidates and would have been happy with either.  Hopefully somewhere down the line you can work with us...

Could really use some virtual hugs, chocolate and coffee right about now.

Comments

[Beth]

What are you teasing us with??? I hate waiting too, but cancer is teaching me patience....an awful way to learn it, but I will take it :) Can't wait to hear what you are waiting for!

[lceel]

Oooo, ooo, PICK HER! PICK HER! really. PICK HER!

[Mrs Firefly]

Major Bummer! I know how disappointed you must be.

You are right that had to be the nicest rejection letter. It's only a matter of time until we find out who the other applicant was. I think it;s interesting that while rejecting you they left the possibility of working together in the future open.

I am sure there is a more interesting opportunity waiting for you, we just don't know what that is yet. We will but waiting for that may be even harder...

[Trenches of Mommyhood]

Awww...so sorry you didn't get it.

[Hip Mom's Guide]

Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm with you: I hate it when you really go for it & it doesn't work out. Arrghh.