The Grumpy Slayer

Last week I shared my philosophy surrounding the words "I can't" and the power of positive thinking.  I even threw in a tad bit of quantum physics to explain myself.  Hope everyone drank coffee before reading it and your poor families did not need to clean up after your brains spontaneously combusted. 

Anyhow, I've been trying to practice what I preached when it comes to dealing with the kids and my lack of energy.  Here's what I figured out.

I am a Mom, Wife, Coach, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Aunt, Granddaughter, CEO of the house, Web Researcher, Blogger, Writer, Reiki student...and other titles I may have missed.  I'm sure most of you can relate.  It can be overwhelming at times to juggle so many roles.  Add in a lack of sunlight creating a vitamin D deficiency. Oh, and a smidge of anemia - and we're describing the worst winter ever for me.  I've been trying to figure out what happened to create my winter funk this year so that I can make sure it NEVER gets that bad again.

In addition to telling myself "I can, I will, and here is how...", I've been noticing something interesting with the kids.  Negative energy oozes from one person to another rather easily.  In fact, it can infect the entire room at the speed of light.

Not being able to discuss quantum physics with a 6 and a 3 year old - my kids are smart, but not THAT smart - I've created creatures called...duh, duh, duh...

GRUMPIES!

Grumpies are invisible.  They stick to you and encourage you to whine, fuss and be mean.  They feed off from negative energy and can grow VERY BIG.  Sometimes, Grumpies can grow SO big, they can spread from one person to another.  *gasp*

So, how do you get rid of these nasty little creatures? 

Enter The Grumpy Slayer. [Yes, I do have a Buffy complex, shut up]

These are her weapons:

1. Acknowledge them.  They are invisible and HATE to be noticed.
2. First line of defense is to literally shake them off.  This usually causes a fit of giggles to erupt.  Grumpies HATE giggles and will go running away.
3. If a few Grumpies are still sticking after a shaking session, a BIG HUG might be required.  Grumpies HATE hugs and love - all that positive energy - yuck.
4. IF the Grumpies are still holding on after shaking and hugs, they are very strong and need an even stronger weapon to be used against them - TICKLE TORTURE.  This causes even more giggles and usually ends with more hugs.  I haven't found ANY Grumpies that will stick around at this point.
5. I haven't had to use my secret weapon yet: Bon Jovi - Living on a Prayer.  Both my kids love the song and will sing and dance like they're from the 80's with big hair and mullets.  They're definitely my kids.

This is a TRUE story of what happened yesterday:

"I don't want cereal for breakfast, I want waffles," screams Max after I hand him the bowl of raisen bran he previously requested.  His eyes are filled with tears and the cute little pouty lip is sticking out.

I roll my eyes, here we go again.  I hate 3, I think to myself.

"Max, you told Mommy you wanted cereal," says Sarah, my little helper coming to my defense.

"NO!"  He takes the bowl and pushes it across the table.  He then looks at his sister, "Don't talk to me, Sarah.  I don't like you today."

I weigh my choices here.  I can either get angry and yell at him - but experience has proven that will only exasperate his bad mood - and mine.

OR

I try a new approach...

Enter the The Grumpy Slayer.

I look at my grumpy little guy and say, "Max, I think you brought some Grumpies with you to breakfast.  I think you need to shake them off."

"No, Mommy."  He says looking at me with the stink eye.

"Really, Max.  They're sticking to you and making you grouchy this morning.  Stand up.  Sarah and I will help you shake them off."

Sarah and I look at each other and smirk before shaking like fools.  Max does a few shakes and tries to fight off the urge for his lips to smile.

"Mommy, I don't want cereal." he insists, still showing a pouty lip.

"Max, I think you might have a couple of Grumpies stuck to you.  Want me to give you a hug?"

He looks sheepishly at me, "OK, Mommy."

During the hug, he gives a big sigh.

I whisper, "I think there's one left, want me to get it?"

"No."  He tries not to giggle, anticipating the tickle torture that is about to happen.

I tickle his arm pits and he erupts in a fit of giggles.

"I love you, Mommy."

"I love you, too, Max."

I sit him back down and explain, "Now that all those nasty Grumpies are gone, here's the deal.  You need to eat the cereal because it is wasteful if you do not.  BUT, if you eat your breakfast without any more whining and fussing, you can have waffles afterwards for a snack.  OK?"

"OK, Mommy."

The Grumpy Slayer totally needs a super hero outfit, don'tcha think?  I'm also looking for an illustration of a Grumpy...maybe something like this:

Comments

[Coal Miner's Granddaughter]

You are an awesome mom! :) I'm going to have to use this. Definitely!

[mrs firefly]

Wow that's awesome!

Good Job!

[Dennis the Vizsla]

Does the Grumpy Slayer have a witch sidekick named Willow? If not, she should!