3 Books to read if you are lost, angry and/or trying to find perspective
Monday, January 25, 2010 at 06:17AM I have often been told that I am a good communicator. I continuously find myself in the role of mediator. I have a knack for being able to see two sides to any situation and cut through the static surrounding the heart of issues. In other words, I can cut through the BS rather quickly and tactfully say it like it is.
Recently, a family member has been struggling. Someone in her 20's who is somewhat lost and trying to find her way. Yes, I know. Most of us were lost in our 20s. But this is above average on the scale of lost-ness due to a recent parental divorce, move from her childhood home and breakup from a long-term relationship with her boyfriend. Almost all at once. Compound that with the normal anxieties surrounding college life and newfound adult freedom. Not a good mix.
Although our situations are different - I can't help but look at her sometimes and see myself looking back. My early 20's self. Lost. Scared. Angry. Unable to find my way.
I caught my wise, old, almost 37 self looking at her situation and then wondering how I got where I am today. Because I like who I am today. I am a wife, mother, softball coach, role model, mostly confident and secure in my skin...and dare I say it...happy. I have developed meaningful relationships with the very people who fueled my confusion and anger back then. I could have self-destructed and turned into a bitter, angry person. Why not?
So, yeah, I need to be in control of little things: like the tv remote or driving. I have my issues. I am only human, after all. But I have strong faith when it comes to the big things. Not a delusional faith that everything will always work out OK. But that there is a lesson to be learned within challenges. I'm able to let the big things go. Even if I don't know or understand my purpose for being on this Earth here and now...well, if I'm still breathing, I'm still meant to do something with my life. If I keep my heart and eyes open, I will find that purpose.
I thought that if I could re-walk the path back to my 20s and note any key steps along the way, I might be able to light the way for my family member. Not entirely, because she needs to find her own path. But maybe I could give her some tools to help her along her travels...some insights.
I found that (among many other things) 3 books were instrumental in shaping my beliefs in how the world works. Specifically, how MY attitude and perspective needed to change in order to find happiness. How I learned to get out of my own way in order follow the path on which I'm being led.
If we stop to discuss exactly by whom I'm being led, well, that will lead to a whole other discussion. So, I'll leave that be, for now. It's complex.
BUT - let's assume that most of us agree that someone is in charge of the workings of the Universe. And it isn't US. That being said...
Here are those 3 books:
1) The Celestine Prophecy
I picked up this book in NYC while visiting an ex-roommate sometime in the early-mid 90s. It is an action-adventure novel, not a piece of literary work. The story itself is an easy read. Now that I have re-read the book, I see how the "insights" within began to shape my beliefs in energy and how it effects our day-to-day interactions with each other. This is definitely a book that has shaped my spiritual beliefs. Yes, spiritual. Not religious. I think that after going through 12 years of Catholic school, I was disenchanted with religious institutions and wrote off God all together. I allowed myself to believe in God again after reading this book.
As I re-read this, I worry that even mentioning God will scare off some people. Please. It is an action-adventure novel. Not a bible. The spiritual part is kinda hidden in the background - only there to find if you want to.
2) What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful
I wrote a post about this book in 2007. I re-read that post for the first time in a long time and it made me giggle. OMG, this book did totally change our lives.
Here's how I described it back then:
It’s like…Dr. Phil for men about their relationships at work...Communication for Dummies. It breaks down different communication glitches, tells men how to get over themselves and see how their behavior affects those around them…and also how to change said behavior….all in the context of the work environment.
A little secret between us women: if you improve the way someone communicates at work, it will help significantly at home.
I read this book alongside my husband and learned a lot about how to communicate with men. A LOT. I'm not exaggerating to say that it probably saved my marriage. We certainly aren't perfect and have our moments of tension. But we are much, much better at communicating now.
3) The Noticer: Sometimes, all a person needs is a little perspective.
I reviewed this book last year. Perspective is a HUGE factor in finding happiness.
Beyond that, this book really helped me understand that people need to be multi-lingual when communicating. I'm not talking about the literal sense of language, English -vs- foreign language. Instead I'm talking about the different styles...verbal, actions, etc. If you are a verbal person and your spouse only understands actions, you need to adapt your styles in order to effectively get your message across.
Going back to the foreign language example. If you only speak English and your spouse only speaks Spanish, they will not understand you any better if you YELL in English. You need to acknowledge that your spouse only speaks Spanish, respect that and learn a little Spanish yourself so that they understand your message in their language.
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Do you have any other books to suggest?
(Disclaimer: I included amazon affiliate links. Yes, in theory I will make a few pennies if someone clicks through them and orders anything. Still no check from amazon and I've been blogging for years. So, consider the links there more for your convenience than to pad my bank account.)
Reader Comments (3)
Harry Potter changed my my life, but I don't think the way you mean.
I love Byron Katie's books, though those may be for someone already with some spiritual maturity.
Hmmmm, that's something to think on. Interestingly enough, I think it was "Contact" by Carl Sagan, because it made me realize that science and faith aren't two separate things, that one can find God, a Creator, through science.
OK. I just proved, without a doubt, that I'm a geek.
This is great, Mommycosm! Writing those titles down now - sigh - I don't read enough and my stack grows quickly. But I know you are right about these. I have only heard of the first one. Thanks!
For your consideration, what would you add to the discussion here?
http://redsparks.com/playpen/2010/01/25/time-out-preschool/#comments
I love HP, too, but I would not have read those books when I was in my 20s. Thank goodness my children introduced me to Rowling. Thank goodness we helped our children learn to love to read.