Entries in Marriage (7)
For those of you who share a bed with someone, I have a very serious question.
Which side of the bed do you sleep on?
We recently changed our master bedroom around and moved the bed from one side of the room to the other. The head of the bed used to be on the wall opposite the door. Therefore, when sleeping, I was on the left hand side of the bed. Now that we’ve moved the head of the bed to the same wall as the door, I sleep on the right hand side of the bed. So, left and right don’t really matter to me, it’s more about orientation of the bed in the room.
I also have to have one foot outside of the covers. My husband’s theory is that I can’t sleep unless I have one foot out of the door…it’s a family trait…there are more divorces in my family than happy marriages...my sister is on her 3rd marriage. Ha, ha…he’s a funny guy, that husband of mine. Guess that’s why I keep him around…for now.
Honestly, I have many reasons:
1) When I was a kid I used to have nightmares about being in a house fire. I want to be close to the door. I actually had a pillowcase under my bed with some clothes and prized possessions in case I ever needed a quick getaway. I was probably 5 years old.
2) I get up at least once a night to go to the bathroom. I am blind as a bat without my contacts and would probably break a leg if I had to stumble through the entire room to get there.
3) I am a mom to 2 kids and 2 dogs. I’m on call 24/7 and have to answer to their cries in the night.
Of course, part of the mom thing has me playing musical beds some nights. Last night, I started off by falling asleep with Princess, then going to my bed. Got up to check in on BamBam, who has taken to yelling in his sleep lately. He later joined us in our bed. On nights like that, I take what piece of a bed I can get just to get a little shut eye.
So, my friends, please do tell. Are you particular about right/left, are you a room orientation freak like me, or could you care less?
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Read my last post about the Ebb and Flow of Marriage in order to fully understand this post.
A friend just sent me an email with a video link. Randy Pauch is a professor. He is dying of pancreatic cancer. He is a husband and father of 3 children. This was his last lecture, as given on Oprah. Incredibly touching on a good day.
Today, it felt like he was speaking right to me and my husband. Certainly puts life in perspective. We didn't need to build the bridge, this one plopped right down to bring us on the same side. Funny how the universe brings you what you need...in the most unexpected ways.
Marriage isn’t easy, especially in today’s world. A world when at least half of all marriages end in divorce. It’s as if society says that an easy out is OK. Perhaps going into marriage, people don’t think through things fully and marry the wrong person, or it’s the right person but they marry for the wrong reasons; all the while knowing that they have this easy out if they need it. My own sister has been divorced, twice. I am surrounded by friends who have made this choice and a few who have had it made for them. My husband and I half-joke each time we hear of another divorce that the odds of us staying together just increased, statistically speaking.
Have I mentioned that the book "What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful" by Marshall Goldsmith quite possibly saved my marriage? It has come up a few times recently within my comments on a few of my favorite blogs, so I thought I’d share “the how”.
I am hoping that if I say this out loud, I will be able to make it go away.
“I am seriously thinking about having a third baby.”
I say “I” because THE Daddy has pretty much said that he is OK either way. He thinks he’s being supportive, but I see it as a deliberate way to avoid responsibility if the outcome of “our” decision is less than favorable. He was supposed to get snipped right after BamBam was born. It’s been over 2 years. If he was certain that he didn’t want more, wouldn’t he have gone through with the surgery already?
There are so many reasons that immediately come to mind why we should NOT have another:
1) We already have a girl AND a boy. They are healthy, happy, beautiful, intelligent children. We are completely blessed. Why would we want to tempt fate? F*&k with Karma?
2) Strike me down, say what you want, I know this sounds awful, but I HATED being pregnant. Sure, it had moments when it felt completely miraculous, like when we heard their hearts beat for the first time or when we could see their little bodies on their first ultrasounds. But, overall, I hated feeling like a host to a parasite that was stealing all of my energy and brain cells. I had morning sickness 24/7 for the first 14 weeks each time. I could barely cook without feeling nauseated…and I love to be in the kitchen. Just when the nausea passed, the heartburn kicked in. I remember wondering if I would ever enjoy eating again. Well, I finally do.
3) I had problems with pre-term labor with BamBam. I ended up in bed for the last 9 weeks of the pregnancy and he decided enough was enough about 5 weeks before his due date. If it wasn’t for the gestational diabetes that I also was plagued with, I would have eaten a pint of Ben & Jerry’s a day out of sheer depression and probably would have blown up to look like Shamu. I typically lean towards natural, herbal, homeopathic remedies. During the pregnancy with BamBam, I had so many drugs pumped into me to stop the contractions, I lost track. I was in the hospital 12 times prior to his birth and "put to sleep" with morphine at least 4. Then there was that experimental cardiac drug that they gave me for the last 2 weeks…don’t get me started. The doctor literally laughed at me when I asked what the odds were of having complications with another pregnancy…his answer “50/50”…SO not helpful.
4) Due to said complications, we have several family members who would completely disown us if we actually took the plunge.
5) See my post about my friend struggling with the possibility that her third child may be born with Down Syndrome. That ties back into #1 for me and scares the crap out of me.
6) THE Daddy has been traveling so much for work lately. I’m not sure if I could handle being out-numbered 3 to 1. Worse, I’ve always been told NOT to have an uneven number of kids because one always feels left out. All of the “middle child” people that I know SO act like the “middle child”…SO that means I’d ultimately be outnumbered 4 to 1, not good.
My Case FOR having another:
1) Even after the nightmare pregnancy I experienced with BamBam, I always felt that our family wasn’t, well, I guess the word would be “complete”. I mentioned it to THE Daddy very early on, just after coming home from the hospital. He blew it off like I was enjoying some good post-c-section drugs. I probably was…but the feeling has never fully disappeared. I don’t feel like our family is complete yet, period. I’m not sure that I only want 2 kids. I’m not sure that I want Princess and BamBam to only have each other as siblings.
2) My BF always used to say that her ovaries were “glowing” when she saw a cute baby. Well, my ovaries still “glow” when I see a little baby. I suppose that could just be a side effect of having ovaries?
3) My babies are growing so fast and are so damn independent. I love the excitement and challenge that each new milestone brings, but I miss those little, helpless babies…the ones who really need their mommy. I know what you’re thinking, “OK, You want another creature to NEED you? Get a dog.” We have 2.
4) Princess has been campaigning HARD for a sister…and I’m pretty sure she’s old enough to know what she’d be getting into this time. Of course, I’ve explained that I couldn’t guarantee that it would be a sister and she could end up with 2 brothers…a concept a little above her head right now.
5) I still have names. We chose BamBam’s name rather easily because there was a death in the family and we conceived him right around the time of the funeral. In fact, the funeral was the only reason we were “sleeping” in the same location the time of conception. We racked our brains forever when we named Princess. Yet, I am now sitting on 2 names…a boy and a girl. I suppose that I could always buy a couple of goldfish to take care of that problem;)
6) I’m back in my pre-BamBam jeans…the “skinny ones”. I finally feel like my reflection is similar to what I think I look like. I’m no longer looking at a chubby stranger in the mirror.
7) I love working and especially love having a margarita or two on the weekends. Why would I want to give that up?!
OK, that’s 6 “against” and 7 “for”. Am I going crazy? (I hear my sister-in-law screaming a loud “HELL YES!”)
Is anyone else struggling with this as well? Help me out. Leave a comment.
OK, even if you hate football and don’t know who “Belichick” is, you can still appreciate the battle and take a side.
I mentioned a couple of weeks ago that THE Daddy had 1st row seats when the Pats destroyed played San Diego. I paid Karma forward and told him to take his father. They had a great time and it was a perfect father/son bonding event. I’m not too bitter anymore that I didn’t get to go.
My gripe is this. As a consolation prize for being such a great wife and not being able to go, THE Daddy bought me this Belichick hooded sweatshirt. This was better than buying me chocolate or flowers. I have coveted that exact sweatshirt for a couple of seasons now, but couldn’t see spending the $74.95 for it. Come on, $74.95…it’s just a hooded sweatshirt. After all, it has no super powers…like the ability to clean itself. There are many things I’d rather spend $74.95 on…like groceries or filling my gas tank 1.5 times.
SO, he brings the sweatshirt home and I am very excited. I try it on and it is way too big. No big deal, we call and they tell us how to exchange it without having to drive 2 hours to the stadium. I’m bummed that I don’t get to wear it for a bit. BUT then I notice…wait…there are 2 sweatshirts in the bag. He went and bought himself a sweatshirt too! Bastard. If you’re buying someone a consolation prize, rules of etiquette (at least in my world) dictate that you aren’t allowed to buy yourself one as well!
Ever since then, we’ve been battling about who gets to wear the sweatshirt on game day. It’s bad enough that I like to wear the sweatshirt on Sundays…that’s a bit hokey, I know. BUT, I will NOT be one of “those” couples…you know them...the ones who dress alike and sit on the same side of the table even when it's just the 2 of them...eww! Personally, I think I should get first dibs on wearing the shirt. I am the one, after all, who had to sit at home to watch the game while he was IN THE 1st ROW!
Am I being unreasonable about this? Help me out here.
Oh, the picture is from the Pats Pro shop. Since I stole their picture, I’ll provide the link:
Check out the Pats Pro Shop to purchase a Belichick sweatshirt.
THE Mommy
Apparently, people are having problems posting comments to this post. I've contacted SquareSpace to see if they can figure it out. Please send me an email at: themommy@mommycosm.com if you would like to comment and I will make sure it gets up.
Here's a comment from Jim at BusyDad:
"Ouch! As much as I am biased toward my team (hus-bands! hus-bands!) in times of conflict. Buying 2 sweatshirts didn't just cancel a good deed, he lost yardage. Let me John Madden this one for you...
X(sweatshirt) ---------> :D
XX ------> >:(
Analysis: going with the single sweatshirt down the middle would have opened up your defenses (how thoughtful! you got to see the game once but I get to wear this forever! You rock!). Playing double sweatshirt coverage only alerted your defenses (big deal now we both have one. How "status quo" of you...). And that's how I see it from the box."
OK, my perfect evening would probably involve Patriot's tickets on the first row and a hotel room, oh, and a few margaritas...but that's too much to hope for, so I'll settle for the next best thing:
THE Daddy calls on Wednesday (not Friday) afternoon to say that he’s on his way home and will be there for dinner…AND he’s picking up Pad Thai along the way, YUM.
He comes home in time to eat and play with the kids for a bit before throwing them into the tub. The kids are SO excited to see him. Lots of giggling…the kind that they reserve only for THE Daddy…it melts my heart.
He snuggles with them until they fall asleep while I get a little extra work done. This eases the much-anticipated stress of not getting to work on Friday while I’m on an AppleCrest Farm Field Trip with Princess’ Kindergarten class.
BamBam yells out for “Daddy!” in the middle of the night…and Daddy is actually there, hears him, AND beats me to him…all before Princess gets woken up.
THE Daddy remembers to turn off the 5:30am alarm on his cell phone…the one that has been waking me up by mistake on Saturday mornings.
I wake up before my alarm at 6:30am and get to take a shower before anyone else gets up.
THE Daddy offers to take the kids to school before heading back to work.
Does this sound too good to be true?! All of the above happened last night!
What a nice way to break up our week. It makes me realize, yet again, how incredibly difficult it is to have THE Daddy travel Mon-Friday. Only 4 more weeks until the new restaurant opens up in east-bum-nowhere Maine and he gets to sleep at home again. Praise be.
I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.
