Over the last 11+ years of traveling to our house in Aruba, we've noticed an abundance of street dogs and wondered what we could do to help out.  On our last family trip to the island, we were fortunate enough to be on the same plane as volunteers for a great organization called Animal Relief Foundation Aruba (ARF).  They raise funds and team up with vets to spay and neuter some of the wild dogs.  In addition, they rescue entire litters of puppies from a "kill bin" on the island.

Yes.  There is a "kill bin" where people drop off their puppies and they are put to sleep.  How very sad.  There appears to be an endless supply of puppies.  Yet, there is not an endless population of families on the island.  So, they started transporting the puppies to the US to increase their chances of finding a family.  There is no rabies on the island, thus no quarantine.  Just a small amount of extra paperwork going through customs.

When I was there for my birthday celebration, I offered to take home a puppy with me and to foster her until we could find a family.  We weren't sure what to expect from the experience or how long we would have her in our home.

Meet Divi (later renamed Bama by her family):

She was about 14 weeks old when I brought her home and was adopted by my Assistant Coach 5 days later.  During that 5 days, I grew very attached.  Lots of puppy snuggles and kisses.  I not only opened my home to her, but my heart.

Said heart nearly broke into a million pieces when I handed her over to her forever family.  It helped tremendously that I would be seeing her all season.  

Plus, ARF promised the first is always the hardest.

I chose to believe them and opened my home (and heart) to another little guy last week.  A couple offered to transport him from Aruba to Boston for us on their flight home.

Meet 9 week old Edward, Crazy Eddie... or Phoenix, as his new forever family is calling him.  He's been very helpful when I'm trying to work... ehem.  

New math: puppy does not equal productive.

He's such a love.  Even our grumpy old guy, Chester, is smitten and protective of him... especially when he whines in his crate.

It took 5 days to find him a forever family, but he's staying with us until this weekend while they get settled into their brand new house.  He's going to my neighbor's sister.  As smitten as I am by him, it doesn't hurt as much this time.  I know he's going to a great home and we are just a temporary stop in his journey.  Plus, we'll get to see him again :)

I get a lot of questions about the dogs.  Are they just mutts?  Well, kinda.  Aruba Cunucu dogs are an actual breed.  Since most of the rescues are dropped off, their parents are often unknown.  As a breed, they are very social, active, intelligent and friendly.  Both of the ones I fostered have the signature ears, body style and tail.  They will grow to about 45-55 pounds.

I'll admit, there were times when both dogs were with us that we considered just keeping them.  Becoming foster failures, lol.  But we know that our immediate future is uncertain.  There is a high probability that we won't be living where we are as early as this fall.  (That's all I'm saying about that right now, sorry).  

So, for now, we are getting an amazing puppy fix.  The kids are learning responsiblity: feeding, walking and playing with the pups... as well as a life lesson of loving and letting go.

OK, I'll admit, I'm learning that last one as well along with them.

Will share pics of any new foster babies we get in, both here and on Facebook.  Even if you aren't looking for a puppy to join your family, who doesn't love looking at cute puppies, right?

If you want more information about Animal Relief Foundation Aruba, check out their website at: www.arf-aruba.com.

At first it was just a quick break.  Sure, there were a couple of times I'd go a few days, a week perhaps, without posting here at Mommycosm.  The silence made me twitchy at first, but then I settled in and found peace in the quiet.  I never intended to take this long of a haitus from writing.  And this part of my work.

Really.

But here it is.  April.  My last post was in February.

I started writing a few times.  In my head.  But something kept holding me back.

The extended quiet began to feel awkward.  Friends I never would have met without this here blog started to reach out and ask if I am OK?  Did I quit blogging?

I am OK.  I am.

Did I quit?  Not really.  There's a lot going on inside that I haven't wrapped my brain around yet.  Could be major moves going on around here.  Good things.  Stressful things.  Uncertain things.

Instead of using this as a platform to work it all out, I've held back from sharing.  I guess I will when I'm ready.

I am where I need to be right now.

Softball started a few weeks ago.  Enjoying my team this year and I can't wait to see what we can accomplish this season.  We lost 6 seniors from the championship team and people are tempted to call this a rebuilding year.  I anticipate and hope for much more than that.

My husband has been traveling and working a lot.  My kids need me to be present when I am here.  So, I've decided not to take on many projects while I have softball going on.  Picking the low lying fruit - taking just the jobs that are quick, easy and profitable.  It's the right thing for me and them... but I still feel the pull to be doing something more with myself... from a career standpoint, you know?

So... here I am.  Dipping my toes.  Trying to prove to myself that I can begin writing again without the undertoe pulling me in.

How are you?

It certainly has here in the Cosm.  My daughter and I have come to the conclusion that we have a Cold/Snow Allergy.  Self prescribed with the help of Dr. Google, of course.  We thrive better in the warmer weather when we can get outdoors without our eyeballs freezing.  Needless to say, when invited to try out an indoor adventure advertised as water fun and 84 degrees, we were quick to accept.

CoCo Key Water Park in Danvers, MA is more than 65,000 feet of indoor water amusement with a wide variety of rides and play areas perfect for kids ages 2-12 years.  It is attached to the DoubleTree by Hilton Hotel Boston North Shore and has restaurants and an arcade all under one roof.  

If you are within comfortable driving distance, you could definitely make do with a day pass, but I recommend staying over for the night, as we did.  The Family Rooms have a separate kids' section that offers 2 small kids' beds and a TV of their own.  My kids were loving it.

As were we.  Typically when staying in a hotel, we get a room with two double beds and end up in some combination of 2 people in each.  Not this time.  My husband and I had a king bed all to ourselves.  Pretty sweet.

CoCo Key Water Park and DoubleTree offer some great package deals that allow you access to the park the night you check in through the day you check out.  It's not much more than the typical cost of a room - very much worth it.  Oh, and there is a Starbucks in the lobby.  Which you know was one of my favorite amenities;-)

It was still winter outside when we had to leave, but sure was nice to wear bathing suits and hang out in 84 degrees for a short while.  Gives me hope that summer will be here again.  Someday.

Planning a trip to CoCo Key Water Park?

Tips:

• If staying in one of the Family Rooms, know that they are on the second floor and there is no elevator, just a narrow set of stairs.  Plan accordingly with your luggage and/or stroller.
• Definitely play the roller coaster "game" in the arcade... we tried it out about a dozen times.  Fun.
• Order the lobster mac & cheese.  It's worth it.  Really, really.
• Don't go into the inner water area with your cell phone (or camera) unless you have a water proof case.  Trust me.
• Check to see if anything else is going on at the hotel during your stay.  It was CR-AZY with a dance competition while we were there - therefore, lines were longer and staff was a bit maxed out.  If that makes you tense, choose a quieter time.

Disclaimer: This is not a compensated post.  We were offered a free Stay & Play package and expenses were covered in hopes that we would have a fabulous time and share it with you... as we did.

your vision must be

followed by venture, look up

stop staring... now climb!

An inspirational quote smacked me in the face today as I took a few steps forward with a work project that I have been... well... stalling on.  It's just so overwhelming and there has been a nasty little voice on my shoulder asking me "what makes YOU so special, huh?!".  Plus my husband has been traveling for work and I'm having a hard time finding work/life balance with my new Solo Parent role.  That's a whole other post just waiting for me to tackle.

SO.  Something snapped this week and I went all Buffy on the voice... started climbing the stairs.

I've been holding myself back.  Lots of vision.  Way too little venture. 

The actual quote that inspired me is by Vance Havner: 

The vision must be followed by the venture. It is not enough to stare up the steps - we must step up the stairs.

I'm not sure where the stairs are leading, but it's better than hanging around down here.

It's a high of 8 degrees today in New Hampshire.  To my Aruban friends: no, that is NOT Celsuis.  I'm wearing my winter boots inside today and have layers and scarves to keep me from shivering my way through work.  Finding it hard to believe that just a few short weeks ago, I captured this picture.  While wearing a bathing suit.  Enjoying the warm sun and calming breeze.  

If I sit close to the fireplace and close my eyes, think I'll be able to mentally transport myself back there... at least for a few short moments?

*sigh*

Pass me the hot cocoa, will ya?  We still have a lot of winter left to go up here.

Wednesday mornings I now teach my very own yoga class at a real studio.  It's scary and empowering and fun all rolled into one.  One of my favorite aspects of Rasamaya yoga, the method that I studied and therefore teach, is the way each class has a purpose.  A meaning.  We don't just follow a series of poses.  We structure the class around a chakra and flavor it with an emotion.

For instance, my first class last week centered around the first chakra, so we did lots of grounding poses.  I chose to focus on the emotion of peace.  My cues within poses and the readings before and after the class were meant to invoke/inspire a sense of calmness - or peace.

It's a little more work than just picking a series of poses and guiding the class through them - but I really like the results of working through movements and emotions together.  It can be powerful.  Think of a world where everyone mindfully moves their bodies and allows themselves to be in touch with their emotions on a regular basis.

So, while researching various readings that I can use within my teaching, I found a poem by Oriah Mountain Dreamer called The Invitation that truly resonated with me.  I could get lost in her website and plan to buy her books in the future.  If you're looking for inspiration or just need a break from work for a few minutes, I recommend poking around over there.

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me
what you do for a living.
I want to know
what you ache for
and if you dare to dream
of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me
how old you are.
I want to know
if you will risk
looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me
what planets are
squaring your moon...
I want to know
if you have touched
the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened
by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know
if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know
if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you
to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations
of being human.

It doesn’t interest me
if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear
the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know
if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live
or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me
who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me
where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know
what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

Instead of asking people what they do for a living, I tend to ask them what do you love to do?.  I think it explains well why I am able to have a conversation and find common ground with just about any person.  I like to see people and have the ability to connect.  I'm probably the most non-judgemental person that I know.  Realizing as I get older and am more self-aware, that not everybody has that ability.

The last last verse has been haunting me:

I want to know
if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like
the company you keep
in the empty moments.

This fall and winter, I have found myself in a position where I am alone a lot.  My husband has been traveling for work.  The kids are at school most days.  I've scaled way, way back from my own travel and press events.  At first, I allowed panic to take over and attempted to fill the empty moments with noise and distraction.  I realized that I didn't really like spending time with myself.  I didn't know how to spend time with myself so I attempted to fill the time with things to keep me busy and chastised myself for allowing any downtime. 

Mom Math: Downtime = lazy, unfocused, unmotivated, guilt worthy.

Mom Math is far more challenging than New Math.

Something I figured out quickly: Busy does not equal happy.  Busy does not make me happy unless the busy has a purpose and meaning.

Not sure if this is an official New Year's Resolution for 2013, a mid-life shit I'm almost 40 crisis, or a desire for a new way of life, but I've been forcing myself to spend time with me.  Just me.  No background noise.  No mini-me on my shoulder whispering in my ear telling me that I should get off my ass or suffer the wrath of guilt.  I'm finding things that make me happy and that allow me to feel at peace with myself.  I'm listening to my inner voice instead of ignoring it.

We used to have roller skating parties when I was growing up.  So much fun - except for that time when I almost fell and broke my friend's nose while flailing uncontrollably in an attempt to stay upright.  oops  I still remember this interesting moment after every party when I transfered from skates back to my street shoes... probably classic boat shoes since this was the 80's and I attended Catholic school... ehem.  It was like my feet still felt like they were in skates, but my shoes wouldn't let me glide.  Awkward.  A bit uncomfortable.  An intense sensation until my feet got used to having to take steps again. 

I feel like I'm in a similar moment.

Awkward.

A bit uncomfortable.

An intense sensation.

Trying to get myself to feel comfortable in my own shoes again.

Can you be alone with yourself?  Do you find peace in the empty moments?

I challenge you to take 10 minutes each day this week to spend alone and answer those questions for yourself.

I first met Rene back in the fall of 2011 at the first SheStreams Conference in NYC.  Remember when my best friend Melanie was hit by a car?  Well, she was still recovering and unable to attend with me.  She had previously met and hung out with Rene at another conference - Mom 2.0.  I think.  I don't know, it was one of those conferences that I always miss because it takes place during softball season and I can't be in two places at once.

Will someone invent a cloning machine, please?

SO, Melanie insisted that I introduce myself and tell Rene that she said hello.  When Melanie insists, people tend to listen, lol.

Not gonna lie, I was a bit intimidated.  She was one of the key note speakers fortheloveofGod and had a group of fans following her every move.  I felt kinda like a stalker... but I told my fear to shut up and introduced myself.

Beyond grateful I did.  We hit it off and ended up hanging out a lot that weekend.  Kindred spirits, I'd say.  We've been fortunate to hang out at a few more occasions since and I am honored to include her in my circle of girlfriends.  The real ones.  The ones you can't bullshit and pretend everything is grand-fabulous when it's not because they see right through you.  The ones you celebrate each accomplishment they achieve because now the world will see how fabulous you already know they are.  Ones who dive past surface to soul in 2.2 seconds.

If you haven't met her, let me tell you, Rene has an incredible energy about her.  Glows from the inside out.  She is the hardest working and most driven woman I have ever personally known.  And she knows how to kick back and have fun, too.

That is why I don't even have to see her new show to tell you that you're going to love it.  And her.

Sweet Retreats premieres this Sunday, January 20, 2012 on The Live Well Network.

Check it out.

Oh, and speaking of sweet retreats... Rene is turning 50 this year right around when I turn 40... which was inspiration for me to (finally!!) host a girls' weekend in Aruba.  Melanie and my Sister Soup co-host, Des are coming as well.  Looking forward to a FUN weekend with these ladies.  Sweet!

But we had to miss it.

Flu.

Ugh.

We weren't even feeling all that excited to open presents brought back by my husband and daughter. So, I didn't notice the big back of pennies given to Mr. Keaton-Grenon until later Christmas afternoon.

My sister-in-law is brilliant. She gave him 2,500 pennies. Not only that, but she made sure that 100 of them were wheat backs. I am not exaggerating when I tell you that he spent at least 3 hours on Christmas day playing with his favorite present.

Nope, not the remote control helicopter. Not the iPod Touch.

The pennies.

He used a magnifying glass to check out each and every one, pulling out the wheat backs and birth years for us all.

My husband's favorite gift was my loss of voice. I could only whisper on Christmas day and was not given a miraculous Carol Brady moment.

Despite the flu, we really did enjoy a low key version of the Christmas this year.

How about you? What was your favorite Christmas gift?

It's hard for me to believe that I haven't written anything here in 2 1/2 weeks.  Please don't take my silence as a sign that I have nothing left to say or nothing is going on over here in the Cosm.  To say I've been busy is a bit of an exaggeration and not really a valid excuse for abandoning my bit of the online world that has served me well the past 5 years both personally and professionally.

Sure.  I'm busy.

My husband has been traveling for work.  A lot.  Solo parenting is hard, but not in the ways I anticipated.  I have a lot going on inside my head right now.  Struggling a bit.  Working things out.

I'm seeking to find peace and balance in my life.  Being careful to take care of me, which isn't always an easy thing for me.  2 kids.  2 dogs.  Husband.  House.  Work.  Their needs often come first.

Maybe it's 40 peeking at me from around the corner.  Is this what a midlife crisis looks like?

We've lived in our current house for 8 1/2 years.  That's the longest I've lived anywhere in my life and DAMN we have accumulated a lot of stuff.  Excess is weighing me down.  We donated bags upon bags of clothes and other stuff to a local thrift store.  Took countless bags of stuff to the dump.  Cleaned out closets.  Re-designed the living room. Starting to make a dent.  Peace and order can be elusive in a modern family, but I'm determined to find it.

Trying to control what I can.  Let go of that which I cannot.

Listening to my inner voice a lot.  Connecting.  Making sure I spend time doing things I want to do.  Letting go of the feeling that I have to compromise myself in order to make everyone else happy.  Because if I'm not happy?  It starts a vicious cycle and everyone around me feeds on that energy and before you know it we're all unhappy.  Which doesn't make me any happier, you know?

So, the current state of the Cosm?

I'm not writing here when I feel obligated.  I will write when I am inspired.  When I need to.  When I want to.  I'm sure it will happen again - just not sure I will be the same me that has been here - especially not the last couple of years.  I anticipate less sponsored content and more writing.  Back to the old days.  Finding my voice again.

Hope you're still around when that happens;-)

 My inner circle of family and friends has known that I have been tossing this idea around for a long, long time - perhaps 2 years now.  Through the past decade of coaching high school girls, I have observed a huge decline in self esteem amongst my players and an increase in overall discontent within this generation of high school students as a whole.  I've blamed many things, including technology and the media.  Did you know that the average teen sends and receives 100 texts a day?!  Blame doesn't offer solutions and I don't think technology and media usage are going to decline anytime soon, so what to do?

The way I coach has had to evolve over the years.  My practice plans now include a huge amount of team and confidence building activities.  Everything we do has a greater meaning.  It pays off, not only by way of winning games - the last 4 teams I have been involved with have gone to their championship game - but also in the way the players carry themselves and interact with each other.  I have seen first-hand that sports can be an amazing vehicle towards self esteem and away from self destructive behaviors.

Here are a few disconcerting statistics for you, from a recent CDC study as reported in a NYDailyNews.com article: 

• 1 in 6 high school students has seriously considered suicide.
• 1 in 12 high school students has attempted it.
• 20% of high-schoolers said they'd been bullied while at school.
• 16% said they'd been 'cyberbullied' through email, chat, instant messaging, social media or texting.

The call to do more has been shouting loud and clear.  I have the skills, the heart and the willingness to make a difference.

But how?

There are a gazillion "anti-bullying" programs out there.  So many that kids are becoming numb to their message and they tend to roll their eyes when they know yet another speaker is coming around to share their message.  So, I decided if I choose to do something, it needs to be cool.  It needs to be a bit edgy and interesting.  It needs to grab their attention.

Never underestimate a girl with balls.

Not sure when this concept came to me, but since day one, it has been in my heart and on the tip of my tongue.  Every person with whom I have shared my idea has shaken their head with a smirk, sly smile or full on laugh.

Edgy?

Yep.

Controversial?

Perhaps.

But the intent is pure.

The mission of a girl with balls™ is to empower girls through sports by sharing inspirational female athlete stories/quotes, running empowerment workshops for sports teams and to generate funds through apparel sales for donation to worthy causes benefitting female athletes.

If  you have a female athlete in your life or know someone who does, I encourage you to go check out the website.  We are planning our first run of apparel and are offering a limited selection to be shipped in time for the holidays.  The store offers tee shirts for basketball, softball, soccer, tennis and volleyball in a couple of styles and colors.

If you are here reading this at Mommycosm, you hereby part of my inner circle.  Therefore, I'm offering you a 10% discount if you purchase before December 15, 2012.  Simply enter MYPEEPS into the discount field at checkout.

In true blogger fashion, I am also offering a giveaway.

Giveaway:

One lucky Mommycosm reader will win a tee shirt in their choice of style/color/size from a girl with balls™.

Mandatory Entry: Simply leave a comment on this post with your first name and state initials.  Tell me: which shirt would you like if you win?

One comment per person, please.  You must supply an email address in order for me to contact the winner.  (Note: Due to spam, I do NOT recommend putting email within the content of the comment itself.)

Submitting a comment constitutes agreeing to the terms of the Official Rules.

Deadline:

All comments must be received by Friday, December 7, 2012 at 7am (et).  Mommycosm will use Random.org to choose the winner.  Any comments received after the deadline will not be considered for the giveaway.

Disclosure:

I am the founder of a girl with balls™ and will be providing the giveaway prize.