Entries from September 9, 2007 - September 15, 2007
“I try to take one day at a time, but lately several are attacking at once.”
There is an electronic sign board that I see on my way home from bringing the kids to school every day. They put up a new inspirational message or quote every morning and this was the one today. Some days they are funny, others thought provoking. This one struck a chord. This has been a very difficult week and I’m not even sure why.
THE Daddy and I were away for 3 nights and arrived back on Sunday night. The week started with Princess having such anxiety over going back to school after throwing up in front of her kindergarten class that she refused to go to school without me. I spent a lot of time with her on Monday and she seems fine now. She was a little weepy on Tuesday and then bounced right back for the rest of the week. BamBam has been throwing tantrums every now and then, but he’s 2 and I expected a small amount of backlash from him as payback for leaving him for 3 nights. THE Daddy is back to traveling for work. He was able to sneak home on Wednesday night and managed to meet us at the chiropractor. Afterwards, we even got to eat at my favorite restaurant, Cartelli’s. It’s an Italian restaurant that also has a sushi bar…weird combination, but it makes my family really happy.
It was great to have THE Daddy home because we all really miss him when he’s away, plus I was exhausted and felt like sleeping after my chiropractic entrainment. The kids were not easy to get down and didn’t fall asleep until at least 9pm and I fell asleep in BamBam’s room with him until about 11pm. I snuck back into our room and THE Daddy was just taking a shower…which he sometimes does at night so that he doesn’t wake the entire house when he leaves at 5am. I was so tired that I couldn’t even muster up a conversation with him, let alone respond to his attempt to take advantage of us actually being in the same bed at the same time. I remember saying “Honey, I’m sorry, but I’m not superwoman…I love you very much, but I’m exhausted.” That went over like a ton of bricks. He’s been very cold to me with one word responses the rest of the week and I feel like shit because I know that I disappointed him and wasted a rare opportunity to be together.
SO, I woke up on Thursday feeling really shitty. He had already left before the sun came up. Since the kids got down so late, they were really hard to wake up and motivate in the morning. I managed to get them off to school, but didn’t get our “good morning” call into THE Daddy before dropping them off. In my defense, I tried, but it was later than usual and he didn’t answer because he was busy at work. He was already disappointed in my lack of enthusiasm the night before and then he didn’t get his morning kid fix, which equaled double disappointment. He’s been polite to me on the phone…I hate it when he’s polite.
Anyhow, we see a Network Spinal Analysis Chiropractor, Dr. Deb. She is an extension to our family at this point. I started seeing her when I was about 4 months pregnant with Princess. My whole family now sees her. If you are unfamiliar with the difference between a standard Chiropractor and Network Spinal Analysis, check this out. It’s changed our lives and we try to see Dr. Deb at least every 2 weeks at this point. It had been longer for Princess and we felt she really needed to release tension and work out her anxieties, so I booked another appointment for her on Thursday as well.
The kids were in pretty good spirits after Princess’s entrainment, so I thought I’d bring them to Friendly’s for dinner. We get in there and BamBam throws a fit as we’re about to be seated. I’m still not sure what triggered it. After he kicked me and refused to sit down, I looked at Princess and said, “I’m sorry, but your brother isn’t in a good mood and we need to eat at home.” We promptly exited the restaurant, much to the relief of the other patrons and our potential server. We get into the car and Princess starts yelling at me. THE Daddy’s side of the family tends get verbal when they’re angry. I like to call it “barking”. It reminds me of an angry dog…you know, when they are barking so loud that you can’t get them to hear your commands to stop because they literally can’t hear you. I used to try to rationalize with them, but learned that it is impossible and you just need to let them work through it and speak with them about it afterwards when their ears (and minds) are open again. She ranted for the entire trip home, which took an agonizingly long 20 minutes. Here’s what she said over and over again,
“I don’t love you, Mommy. I don’t want a Mommy. You’ve ruined my entire life. I want a different Mommy. I only want Daddy. But if Daddy does what you did, I don’t want him either and then I won’t have a family.”
Now, I expected to hear these words at some point in our lives together. I didn’t expect them so early on in our relationship. SHE’S 5 YEARS OLD! And I’m a pretty good Mommy, if I do say so myself. Sure, I have my faults, but she’s more than provided for and she knows that I love her. I just wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. THE Daddy was so polite to me at our “good night” call that I didn’t even tell him how horrible the night was. Ditto again this morning.
Princess bounced back and was disgustingly sweet to me the rest of the night, and with the exception of a small fit over not letting her wear lipstick to school this morning, has been on her best behavior. She apologized for being mean and we worked through it. One of my sisters-in-law gave me a visual to use to explain to the rest of the family what happens after they lash out. It describes how I’m feeling perfectly.
You start out with a clean slate, a nice new piece of paper. When someone verbally berates you, it’s as if they took the paper and crumbled it. When they are finished and apologize (themselves feeling better), they think they’ve smoothed out the paper and all is well. The truth is that you can take a hot iron to the paper to smooth it out, but it will always have a crease where it was crumbled. That’s how I feel today.
Motherhood and being a wife has many rewards that I could not even begin to list, however, I have never felt so inadequate in my entire life as my husband and daughter can make me feel. It’s as if they always want more from me than I am able to give and it sucks. When we’re having good days, I’m skeptical because I feel like I’m on the high side of the teeter-totter…it’s only a matter of time when it goes crashing down to the bottom and you hurt your butt! If anyone has the secret recipe on how to find the perfect balance in the middle, please share.
My “Thank Goodness It’s Friday”…the weekend is coming and we’ll have time together as a family. Hopefully, we can find some sort of balance briefly before it gets thrown off again on Monday.
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If you follow football, it’s been difficult this week to escape the news coverage of possible cheating on the sidelines of the New England Patriots. I can’t believe it. I refuse to believe it even though the coach has all but admitted it by referring to an issue with the “interpretation of rules”. I’ve always said that Bill Belichick is on my top 3 list of famous people whom I’d like to invite to a dinner party…along with Jon Bon Jovi and Emeril. All three men have achieved huge success in their careers, yet fail to have developed a “celebrity ego”. They don’t forget where they came from and they use their success to help give back to society. They don’t seem to do it strictly for publicity sake (unlike the majority of celebs out there!). They seem to genuinely acknowledge that they are blessed with financial gains from their success and they are driven to share with those whom are less fortunate. They put a lot of positive energy out into the world.
I coach high school softball and have always had huge admiration for Bill Belichick and the New England Patriots. They come across as an organization run with dignity and class, led from the top. They seem to embody everything that I preach to my girls. Plan ahead, work hard, treat others with respect and success will come. In fact, our varsity team won the NHIAA Class I State Championship this year for the first time in the school’s history. Cheating was in no way part of the game plan.
According to Jimmy Golen, an AP Sports Writer, “Belichick issued a one-paragraph statement apologizing to his team and confirming that he has spoken to Goodell about an "interpretation" of league rules that ban videotaping of the opposing sideline.”
IF found guilty, how can his players possibly have any respect for the man going forward? They see him as THE Greatest Defensive GENIUS of all time. I truly believe that IF he authorized the videotaping of opposing team signals, his own players have no knowledge of it. They will be disappointed in him as a person. If I were a player, such as Tom Brady, I would be completely pissed off. Throwing the word “cheating” into the mix of the Patriot’s successes over recent years would raise questions about the validity of their Super Bowl wins. How crazy is that?!
Check out this Boston Globe article by Jackie MacMullan. It says everything far more eloquently that I could…yet echoes my sentiments exactly.
THE Mommy
Crap! Apparently it is true...I'm sure they can handle the hefty fees, but I'm not sure they can handle their new reputation as "cheaters" now. That totally sucks. I feel bad for the players involved.
Also, can I just say that I totally love Christian Fauria...no longer a Patriot. He is with the Panthers now and still cracks me up. I've seen him pre-game and he always looks like he's the class clown.
THE Mommy
Kraft's statement, well said.
Princess recently turned 5 years old. I featured her cake on a previous post. My favorite gift that she received was this awesome Play and Freeze Ice Cream Maker (The Ice Cream Ball)
We were so excited about using the ball to make ice cream that we ran to the closest store to buy the ingredients. All of Princess’s older cousins were here for her party, so they each took a turn rolling and shaking the ball. It really only took 10+5 minutes and was really yummy.
We filled the outer compartment with ice and 8 tablespoons of coarse sea salt. It calls for rock salt, but we couldn’t find it at the local store and the sea salt worked just fine.
On the inside:
1 pint of half and half (although you can use whole cream if you want a less healthy version!)
1/3 cup + 2 tablespoons sugar (if you use a superfine sugar, it will be less grainy)
1 tablespoon vanilla
a handful of mini m&m’s.
It was delicious and the kids really got into it. The possibilities are endless. I came across this Ben & Jerry's Homemade Ice Cream & Dessert Book
We had a really great time at our friend’s wedding this weekend out in Ithaca, NY. I’m still exhausted. Here’s a list of my 10 favorite things:
1) The drag queen, Ed, who did my “up do”. He was amazing and I really loved my hair. We gave him free reign to do whatever he thought was best. He chose the perfect look for each of us. I wanted to take him home with me!
2) After 3 weeks of cutting carbs and working out, my skirt fit again!
3) Sage “Chapel” was more like a cathedral and was GORGEOUS!
4) The Best Man was a lot of fun and it was a relief to know that he was about to throw up before giving his speech as well! We took turns looking like Rain Man outside before we gave the cue that we were ready! He did a great job making everyone laugh and I got to follow up with a more sentimental speech.
5) The vodka shot waiting for me after I gave my speech…courtesy of THE Bride’s brother.
6) Cuban cigars and Grand Marnier with THE Father of the Bride, with pictures to prove it!
7) THE Bride never once turned into Bridezilla. THE Groom was away all summer for work and she handled just about all of the arrangements. She was very organized and didn’t get stressed out at all.
8) THE Bride and I out in the courtyard waiting for the ceremony to begin…she needed to “pass gas” and didn’t want to carry it down the aisle with her! You can dress her up like a princess, but she remained true to herself.
9) The Pastor was actually one of their close friends. The ceremony was very personal and touching.
10) Threatening THE Groom as midnight neared the night before, “If I don’t see you tomorrow, I’ll hunt you down and kill you!” Thought I’d throw that in there…just in case. He obviously showed, but I don’t think he was the least bit worried about my threat.
If I ever let you guys read this, congratulations! I love you and hope you remember my toast…”May the light of today’s happiness serve as your beacon as you navigate any rough seas of the future.” THE Groom is a Captain, in case the rest of you were wondering.
I have a new favorite drink.
We were at my friend’s wedding in Ithaca, NY over the weekend. I was feeling very, very tired. The kids both came down with a horrible virus earlier in the week and I ended up having to cancel my flight. I had a touch of the virus by the time we left and really was not looking forward to the drive out there…about 6 ½ hours. I caught a ride with THE Daddy and THE Groom late Thursday night. We didn’t roll into Ithaca until about 3:30am on Friday, ouch. We ended up grabbing a quick lunch on Friday at a restaurant on the commons by our hotel. We stumbled across what could become my next addiction.
Ever heard of Yerba Mate?
I was looking for some sort of caffeine free, healthy drink to recharge my batteries. I wish I could remember the name of the restaurant that we found b/c it was YUMMY. Everything was natural/organic. They had a “Peach Mate” that caught my eye, so I gave it a try. It was very tasty and really took me out of my fog. I really did feel recharged in a way that a caffeinated drink does, without the jittery, hyped up feeling. I found myself craving it the next day. I have NO idea where to get it around here in NH…but I found this site which gives the history and refers to another site to purchase it online. Not sure if I’ll go so far as purchasing the metal straw and gourd. Definitely interesting though.
(disclaimer: I have no affiliation to either of these sites and make no guarantees on their claims. I just really liked the drink and felt better afterwards. Anything natural and caffeine free that tastes this good is worth a try in my book!)
