The Total Transformation Program: Lesson 7: How to Stop It Before It Starts
Friday, January 2, 2009 at 06:39PM 
In Lesson 6, James Lehman discussed how to identify triggers. In the 7th and final lesson of The Total Transformation Program, he outlines “The Trigger Management Process” which helps to manage trigger thoughts before the feelings become too intense.
Interesting to note, he does not believe in “anger management”. He believes that anger does not need to be managed. Instead, the trigger that precedes the anger is what needs to be managed. Thoughts are what trigger and maintain anger. The Trigger Management Process aims to control those thoughts.
The following are the steps of The Trigger Management Process:
- Diminish the potential- avoid situations that bring on the triggers
- Manage the situation- escape negative situations
- Identify trigger thought
- Constructive self-talk
- Simple plan
- Communicate
- Implement
- Move on
How will I apply this lesson to my life?
I already have :)
True story:
I was in a car line for a drive-thru coffee hut. My kids were getting antsy in the back seat. I told them to keep their bodies to themselves or else they wouldn’t be able to play Wii when we got home. My daughter was reaching over and tickling my son. He went from laughing to angry in 2.2 seconds and said “stop” once before kicking her in the head. She’s crying and my mother is looking at me from the passenger seat to see how I’m going to handle it.
Keep in mind, we were all strapped in the car while in line. Although a part of me wanted to yell at them both, I took a deep breath, looked back and checked to make sure my daughter was OK. She was. I asked her what she should do the next time her brother asks her to stop. She said “stop touching him”. She apologized to her brother for not listening. It was at this point that my mother looked at me like I had 2 heads...HE kicked HER after all.
[We were at the window for the rest of the dialogue.]
I then reminded my son that kicking was NOT OK. He needed to apologize to his sister for kicking her. He apologized. I then asked him what he should do next time she got in his space. He said, “use my words to tell her I don’t like that or walk away.”
[I then took away their Wii when we got home. I made them earn it back by playing nicely together sans Wii.]
I didn’t realize the barista heard the exchange until she giggled and said “WOW” out loud. As I was driving away, she was telling the story to her colleague. I felt in calm and in control and my kids didn't cry or whine for long after because they knew they earned their consequence.
This exchange seemed fitting to happen today, the day I review the last lesson of the program. I feel extremely grateful for the opportunity to review The Total Transformation Program. I really believe that I will be using techniques from the program throughout our lives.
I wish I could send all of my readers a copy of The Total Transformation Program for free. I did already promise mine to someone, although it has taken me much longer to complete the review than I intended. If she no longer needs it, I will do a giveaway soon.
Whether you win it or buy it, I highly recommend trying out the program. Click on the picture or one of the ads here on MommyCosm and you can try it for free for 30 days. If you want to keep it, you can then spread the payments out over 3 months. It’s worth it, I swear.
Although this is the last lesson, there is a Parents Workshop DVD that I am going to watch and review. I will wrap it all up then...coming soon.
Reader Comments (5)
Great story. Only problem is, you didn't stop it before it started. The good news is you gave instructions for the "next" time. That is the problem I have with the Total Transformation System is that advice for halting bad behavior as it is happening seems pretty scant, and boils down to Lehman recommending that the parent "disconnect". While that may work for one on one situations with small children, its not much help for example,dealing with an older child acting out passive aggressively during thanksgiving dinner. How could one handle that without the parent ending up looking as if s/he is the one acting out? Nevertheless, Lehman's guidance is geared more toward the long term goal of improving behavior with lots of pre-planning and post act-out management that over time seems would be helpful.
I really enjoyed this article. I am always trying to foster good relationships with people who can help my cause. This really breaks it down to a step by step process which is good.
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Its really very good information. Thanks for sharing this info.
I agree this is a very solid program. I recommend it to parents of older kids. For younger kids (2-6) this is also a great program child behavior
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